In every relationship there will be ups and downs, as well as things that happen that will truly test the bond that has been built. Some will withstand the pressure and some will break. One true test of any relationship is when tragedy is introduced. Some examples would be the loss of a parent, child, close friend, home to a fire, ect......
The true test will be on the person who is suppose to be in a "supportive" role. Ask yourself, if your mother suddenly passed away, how would your partner respond. Will they be able to provide comfort? Relieve stress? Temporarily take responsibility for the things you usually handle? Can they coordinate with your family? Attend the service? For some people this is very easy and simple, and for others it's a hardcore struggle. Those who hide behind their emotions or are scared to show vulnerability may find this the hardest.
To the supporter, your partner needs you now more than ever. Your actions speak louder than words. Here a few tips:
1. When the tragic news comes, drop EVERYTHING and get to your partner. Even if they say they don't want you to change your plans, they really do. Deploy every resource available to you to make this happen.
2. When you see them, simply hold them. Tightly. Believe it for not this action provides immediate stress relief.
3. Ask what the person needs you to do for them. Don't assume. If they say nothing, get creative to find out.
4. When they are unable to speak, speak for them. You should know what they would say. For example, someone calls them and you answer because they aren't in the mood.
5. Assist with the daily tasks that you may not normally. This includes making meals, laundry, paying the bills, taking out the trash, and other household items.
6. GO TO THE SERVICE. Even if funerals make you uncomfortable, it ain't about you. Get over it.
7. Identify that it will be important for your partner to quick slowly return to normalcy. You will see this happen naturally. When it does, let it happen and slow fall back into your roles.
8. Intimacy is so important during and after a tragic event. Cuddling, kissing, cute notes and text messages are a major plus.
This blog is commitment to conversations around building healthy relationships. Tragedy will happen. A power couple is in sync and understands each other's needs. The supporter who fails to fulfill this role may find themselves not being trusted, and eventually single.