A Sense of Belonging....

How do you introduce your partner?? Believe it or not, this is important. It speaks to the value you hold in your relationship. Believe it or not, we find comfort in belonging to someone. Being spoken for isn't a bad thing. If you introduce your boyfriend as anything other than that, how do you expect that person to know you are proud to be with them?? Do you say my friend? Try again. We have plenty of those. Claim the relationship. Let others see how happy you are. Give them something to aspire for. Some people enjoy being the support for you. Buying them gifts will not mean as much to those people as simply making the statement that you are proud to stand tall with them next to you.  Defend them at all costs. Dismiss the haters because they are dismissing you behind closed doors.  It's really simple.  

#ImHappy #AreYou?

  

Sometimes the strongest need a hug as well

We all know a few of these really strong people in our life. Those who can handle pretty much anything that is thrown at them. They can usually help others navigate through issues and roadblocks. But, sometimes those people need to be reminded that they are loved and for once have someone make it a priority to them smile again. Often that person may not even know why they are feeling blah. It is usually a combination of life events which can all be positive but overwhelming. These individuals are not looking for you to solve their issue, but rather just take their mind off of it for a second or help them think through a solution.  Just be mindful that during these moments of sensitivity, the normal joke may not be well received. That's ok and it isn't your fault. Just be in tune enough to notice the different effect and do something about it. It is also a wonderful opportunity to bond and become closer with that person. Being in a healthy relationship makes these moments wonderful. I am happy to be able to have a special someone that I know that can make me smile. I hope and pray everyone has that at some point. 

  

The big ask!!!

All healthy relationships are built on a strong foundation. But foundation doesn't always mean time. A strong foundation can be set in a few days, weeks or months. What matters is the foundation in your own values and morals.  The question of when to make a relationship official is one that is scary but something to look forward too. Like a marriage proposal. Those seeking meaningful and serious companionship enjoy the company of the other person, love hearing about their day, feel a certain way when they are sick or down. Those are the triggers to signify a strong foundation is set and it can handle the big ask. 

When you are ready to ask, you should already know what the answer will be. Make it special. Make it memorable. Make it something that will guarantee and smile. Happiness is the goal right? I know it was for me. And when it is over, you will feel this sense of joy. That's ok. Live in it. Now...be ready to be in a big boy relationship. It is worth it. Trust me. 

  

Be proud...of others

It's wonderful to share successes with those we care about. To be there in their moment of praise, shine, and celebration not only shows your commitment but also pushes them to the next level. Educational and professional achievements are the hardest to reach but the most important to celebrate. So for that, I'm proud of you (you know who you are).    

Words mean things!!!

The power of words is strong. Choose them carefully.  They have the power to uplift but also destroy. The interesting thing about words is sometimes their effect isn't realized until much later. Actions are in the moment, right now and usually have little significance later on. But since our words are the brain's    most powerful way to communicate, they hold so much weight.  So think before you speak. Consider the impact of your words on the person you are speaking too. 

Sometimes we mis-speak or our words have an effect that we didn't intend. Some find it hard to say I'm sorry but if the effect wasn't what you intended, then apologize for that.  Anywho....people communicate mostly through language, words mean more than you realize. Don't end up putting your foot in your mouth because you spoke too soon.  

BDay Wrap

Birthdays are an opportunity to celebrate. A chance to share moments with those who help you "be your best self".  Thank you to those who came out to celebrate with me. I have committed my life to help people. I couldn't be more proud of my family, friends, and my work family. Every day is a chance to make a difference. Today, I feel fulfilled. Life is good. Remember, you chose your destiny.  Just one word to the wise. Those who stick by your side, will always stay if they feel appreciated, not a secret. Step outside of your comfort zone and proclaim your appreciation for all to see. Social media is apart of our life now. Use it to tell good stories. You never know who needs to hear it. 

Public demonstrations of love and appreciation not only solidify those healthy relationships, but also show others that happiness can be achieved. Forget the haters, they are undercover supporters.  So take some time to say thank you. Chose to be happy. It's contagious. 

#BeYourBestSelf              

The power of friendship is serious..

Today is my birthday, and I must say I haven't felt this blessed, complete, whole or loved in a minute. It's almost 8pm and I have received over 300 messages from friends and family who took time out of their day to say Happy Birthday. Something so simple goes such a long way. I cherish my friendships, those I love, and those who love me.  I am heading to dinner with those who mean the most to me, but I must say o love you all. Even those I don't know well, I still have love for you and want nothing but the best for you. So keep on being great.... 😘

Not every side piece is a friend...

We all have them....people we may have hooked up with, or had some spicy text conversations with, that we probably enjoyed....but what do you do with those people when you start seriously dating someone?  You may think you are doing the right thing by "telling them you are dating someone" and Yall are gonna be "friends". Yeah ok....so if this person brings up sex everytime Yall talk, they ain't ya friend. They will be gone the very minute they find someone. They also don't respect that you are trying to build something special with someone. The right thing would be to shut the behavior down.

Here is the risk. If you allow the behavior to continue, you are telling this person it is ok, that they actually may still have a chance with you, but most importantly you run the risk of the person you have grown to care about seeing these messages. Why run the risk of losing something so great over something that really wasn't there to begin with. Wouldn't it be great if that person found the messages where you are shutting it down?   Just think about it.  Don't let citizens of Thotland ruin what could be the best thing that ever happened to you.  Dating is scary, Yall.  Especially when you care about the other person deeply. Now the commitment to each other can't be rushed, but you MUST be respectful and consider each other's feelings when it comes to members of your past be it virtually or simply crossing paths walking down the street. 

You wanna fight?

Last week, I heard this Jason Derulo song "I'll fight for you" and it really spoke to me.  To the point while I was in the car, I had to quickly download it on iTunes and then replay it to make sure I got the lyrics.  The greatest things in this world are those we have to work and fight for.  Things that are simply given to us, usually don't hold much value.  I remember being a kid and always loosing my hats.  But the moment I had to pay for it with my hard earned money, oh, best believe I still have that hat today. lol When it comes to relationships, we often find ourselves in an uncomfortable place.  We have to decide how much we fight and are we willing to give much with the fear of not getting it in return.  My answer is.....hell yes.  Sometimes we are placed in someone's life at a very particular time.  That person probably needs someone to fight for them because they may not be able to fight for themselves.  They may not be able to be their own cheerleader.  Or they simply need someone to go through life with them right now.  We all serve a purpose.  Of course if it all comes crashing down, it will hurt, you will be sad, but at some point that person will realize what a blessing you were to them.  Hell, they may even come crawling back (be careful).  Anyways, I say all that to make a point.  Someone said to me recently, "I'm not gonna make myself vulnerable to you".  Well sometimes it's that very action that helps makes bring peace to your life.  Have you ever felt like you just needed a good cry?  Or have been down and can't understand why?  Instead of taking it out on those who mean the most to you, use them, talk to them, listen to them, then celebrate yourself.  In my previous job as a hostage and crisis negotiator, I would talk to people who were at that moment making the decision to live or die.  Of course my goal was life but I usually didn't have to do much convincing that life was the way to go.  I simply listened, summarized what they said so they knew I listened, then it was safe to share my thoughts.

Ok people!  It's nice out...Smile...Hell, may someone else smile.  I am certain you will feel better if you do.

  

The Perfect BDay Gift....

So my birthday is in three days, and everyone is asking what I want. I have never been one to cherish material things so I have always found that question hard to answer. Of course, I want to feel special, loved, appreciated which can all be done with a few words, a small gift that clearly illustrates effort and thought, or simply a chance to be reminded just how well I'm doing as a boss, co-worker, friend, and/or partner. Those who seek the gift, will always be left disappointed. It's those that value the effort that will always be left feeling great.  But there is one thing I would like.....and that is to spend it with a special someone, who considers me special, and wants to build a special life, with Tyrell. Someone who wants to ensure I'm smiling, who considers my feelings before they act, who is humble enough to put someone else first every now and then. Pretty much someone who can appreciate and cherish positive relationships. Welp...maybe God has a surprise in store. 😉 

When do you know????

The question is always asked, when do you know you have found the one? Is it when you wake up every morning thinking about that person? Do those thoughts make you smile? Is it when you adopt their goals and dreams and commit to them like they are your own?  People who are able to guide, assist, support, care and love usually have a solid foundation in who they are. Of course they will have flaws and may need someone to remind them to smile and keep being great, but can you be that person? Do you want to be that person?  I am often told I am too nice.  I then ask those haters "you mad nobody gives this much of a damn about you?" lol. But just remember there are people out there who are just genuinely good people. But not everyone can see that and will loose that potential life changing relationship. But hey, what is your trash will for sure be someone else's treasure. 

Just say it......

We spend so much time in life trying to shape our actions and words.  We approach a topic scared at what the other person may think or if we will say too much.  If you enter a conversation with honesty, have the intension to understand, be clear, and if the desired outcome is worth it, just say it.  Let it out.  Don't be afraid to express yourself.  If you misspeak, that is ok.  Correct it immediately.  If the person you are speaking with really cares about you, they will focus on the message rather than the delivery.  Don't invest in those who can't see your worth.  Don't invest in those who do not invest in themselves.  What could they possibly have to talk about?? Not much...probably about what someone else is or isn't doing. Humans have emotions and feelings that connect us at the core.  We can feel each other without using words at all.  That is beautiful.  Cherish close and healthy relationships.  Trust ya gut.  I often hear friends say, "I won't say I love you for a year".  I look at them (with my head to the side).  So if you feel it, you won't say it simply because a time limit hasn't passed?  Why take yourself through all that.  If the person you care about can't understand you care about them, move the hell on.

Over the last couple of months, I have become closer and closer to a special someone.  I must say it has been great.  Yeah people have their ups and downs but I have, and am enjoying the person I have come to know.  If you find yourself looking forward to seeing someone, wanting to simply be in their presence, deeply care about their success and the realization of their goals and dreams, then for God's sake put in the work to make it work.  Relationships that are easy NEVER go anywhere.  It is the relationships that test us, make us uncomfortable, and teach us something that are usually unbreakable.

Anyhoo....take a risk...try something new....and remember to always consider the power of your words.

T

Everything will be ok......

Over the past couple of days, I have crossed paths with a few people who have been having just simple life challenges. I personally don't like to see anyone sad or down so I try my best to make them smile. But what happens when it is someone you really really care about? Someone that you want to feel the love you have for them? I am learning that repetitive persistent is what is most effective. Humans naturally have highs and lows and no one can deny that being surrounded by those who love us really can go a long way. I personally am one who usually don't let people see when I am down.  But those who have seen it, know that the smallest action can help the most. What is required is intentionally acts of kindness. No material thing can make me feel better than the feeling of being wanted and appreciated. Know you have value to someone.  Some say I'm crazy, too nice, or even stupid for being so caring and giving. All I know is that I am extremely blessed with personal and professional success. I have no choice but to help others.  When we are in love, we tend to do whatever we can to help the other person or simply see that beautiful smile. But I can't promise I will be able to solve all of your problems. But I can promise that you will never have to face them alone. And that my friends, is what true love (friendship or romantic) means.