About two weeks ago, my brothers and sisters of the Stonewall Jackson Volunteer Fire & Rescue Department in Manassas, VA were shook to our core when one of our own was involved in an incident that was life-threatening and reminded us all just how quickly our world can completely be turned upside down. Hours after the incident I sat with members of my fire department family in the waiting room of the hospital as we wiped tears, said prayers and just held each other. The emotions in that room were intense as all we wanted to hear was that our close friend would be ok. But most importantly, we all just wanted to do something. A conversation was sparked when someone mentioned not just the need to support our friend, but to support each other and how sometimes it is hard to find that needed support outside of our public safety family. Then it dawned on me…..our loved ones, family and friends outside of our world may simply just not know what we need and how to support us, and that is ok. Communication couldn’t be more important here.
One truth that needs to be clear is those Firefighters, EMTs, Medics, Law Enforcement Officers, and 911 call takers and dispatchers are united by the work. Yes, we are often referred too as heroes but understand we are humans with feelings and emotions. We are called upon to react in situations that are usually the worst day of someone’s life. When everyone else is running away from danger, we don’t have a choice but to run towards it. We took an oath to protect and even in times we are scared, we must still perform. There is an understanding that we will only survive if we take care of each other. When the call comes in, we must put our own feelings and emotions aside and execute our training to perfection. Our small misstep can mean the difference in life and death. This is a burden that some people will never feel in their lifetime. As we respond, it is our partners in service that say “hey watch out he has a gun”, pulls you out of a house fire before the floor collapses, or hops on the phone while you are giving CPR instructions to a mother who is trying to revive her baby. I can remember a few years ago I worked a 34-hour shift at the firehouse and we ran 37 calls during that time. Taking a nap or break was not an option. We keep on pushing even when we literally had nothing left. So needless to say when a member of our team is hurt, we hurt with them.
To our families, please understand that every time the alarm sounds that spring us into action, you are at the forefront of our mind. Usually it is the routine calls that turn sour and we are hit with the harsh reality that we may not make it home. When we hear someone over the radio say “shots fired” or “I need help”, you are whom we think about. We see tragedy and situations no one should ever witness; and no matter how hard we try, calls stick with us and we bring those emotions and feelings home. So here are a few tips to help and support your hero during tough times.
1. When they get home from their shift, hug and kiss them. Tell them you love them. That immediately provides some relief.
2. Ask them how their shift was. Do not avoid it, as they need a safe outlet to get their feelings out. Keeping it in can cause us to depression, mood swings and have lasting effects.
3. Get to know their public safety family. Meet their crew and partner. If there is something you do not understand about what they do, ask. It will mean to world to them that you take an interest.
4. We continue to do this work not just because we like the adrenaline, but mostly we want our families to be proud of us. Make sure they know that. Don’t assume they know.
5. Understand that their humor will sometimes be dark. That is just our way of trying to not personalize the calls we run.
6. They may become quiet and seem distant which is normal. But, don’t let them stay in that space for too long.
7. Burn out is a real thing and can come must faster than a non-public safety profession. Try to help them find ways to decompress.
8. In the event a member of their team is hurt or worse, killed, just be available and present. Be sure to ask the question, “Do you need me to do anything”. Reach out to their friends and check on them as well.
9. After a major incident, injury or loss, they may be sensitive, temperamental, or short. Try your best to be understanding. Even the strongest of people will need your love.
10. Finally, understand that the work they do is not for everyone, and you have a very special person in your life. They want nothing more than your love and know you have their back.
Every time we put on that uniform, we have no way to knowing what is coming our way. We will only be able to deliver the stellar service and save countless lives with your love and support. You are much important to our public safety life than you probably realize. This most recent incident pulled at heartstrings I didn’t know I had and I almost hung up my uniform one final time. If it wasn’t for my family, friends and most amazing fiancé, I am not sure if I would have been able to return to duty. Of behalf of my brothers and sisters in service, thank you for loving us and supporting us when we need it most.
