We all have insecurities. These are fears or things about ourselves we don't think others like. Some would argue that they are things we don't like about ourselves but I disagree. A root of an insecurity is the precevied response or opinion of someone else. For example you may not like the way you look in a bathing suit because someone once mad a face or didn't compliment you when you thought you looked great. Or something happened in the past that caused you pain and you are scared it is going to happen again.
Insecurities are normal. They humble us. There is no way around them. But how do we deal with them in a relationship? Some may say it is weak to have an insecurity. So peep this....If someone is showing you the insecurity, it means they trust you enough to be that vulnerable around you. That is a privilege that can be easily abused or lost. Here are a few points.
1. It is job of your partner to understand your insecurities, where they come from, and work to help you overcome it.
2. Keep in mind that a crack or joke about the insecurities may seem harmless but know you have just hit the most vulnerable part of their being.
3. Make a strong effort to share insecurities you both have. Know that the environment must be safe and without fear of judgement or being made fun of.
4. Never downplay their feelings with statements like "that is stupid" or "I don't know why you feel that way". The reality is its their feelings and you cant deny that. Seek to understand and ask how you can help.
5. Be in tune enough to know when something is uncomfortable and protect their heart.
6. You should never, ever use an insecurity as ammunition in an argument or disagreement. You will almost instantly loss their trust and may never get it back.
One way to understand the root of insecurities is to discuss each other's past. Find out why their relationships ended and I am certain you will learn a lot about why they act the way they do today. Find out who and how they got hurt. If you have never been in that situation, try to place yourself there and see if you can understand. Here is an example that we all can probably relate too. If you do not think your partner finds you as attractive as you find them, the fear of them leaving you can be overwhelming sometimes especially if it has happened before. It is important to share this with your partner because they probably think you are beautiful and actually may feel the same. Once that insecurity is shared, accept it. If you are the supporting partner, you now have to make an effort to remind your lover just how beautiful they are. Subtle things will do the trick. No fireworks needed.
Another example would be if you were with a female who has had issues having children. Of course this topic is sensitive and should be free from jokes. Also if you start to try to have a child, understand it will be scary.
When dealing with the insecurities, the more you understand them and their history/origin, the easier they will be to overcome. Keep in mind that you will need to put your partner's feelings first before your own. You both are in a healthy and loving relationship and what creates the foundation of steel is trust and safety. Some other topics that usually have insecurities are body image, fashion, finances, loyalty, education. Remember to always be compassionate, accommodating and understanding.
My fiancé and I discuss everything. We talk until we are both satisfied with the result and it always ends well. We hear each other out and seek to not just listen, but understand. We both walk into every conversation already knowing it's gonna be ok we because our commitment to the unit is real. #WorkForIt