The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.
Here's an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,100 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 35 trips to carry that many people.
In every relationship there will be ups and downs, as well as things that happen that will truly test the bond that has been built. Some will withstand the pressure and some will break. One true test of any relationship is when tragedy is introduced. Some examples would be the loss of a parent, child, close friend, home to a fire, ect......
The true test will be on the person who is suppose to be in a "supportive" role. Ask yourself, if your mother suddenly passed away, how would your partner respond. Will they be able to provide comfort? Relieve stress? Temporarily take responsibility for the things you usually handle? Can they coordinate with your family? Attend the service? For some people this is very easy and simple, and for others it's a hardcore struggle. Those who hide behind their emotions or are scared to show vulnerability may find this the hardest.
To the supporter, your partner needs you now more than ever. Your actions speak louder than words. Here a few tips:
1. When the tragic news comes, drop EVERYTHING and get to your partner. Even if they say they don't want you to change your plans, they really do. Deploy every resource available to you to make this happen.
2. When you see them, simply hold them. Tightly. Believe it for not this action provides immediate stress relief.
3. Ask what the person needs you to do for them. Don't assume. If they say nothing, get creative to find out.
4. When they are unable to speak, speak for them. You should know what they would say. For example, someone calls them and you answer because they aren't in the mood.
5. Assist with the daily tasks that you may not normally. This includes making meals, laundry, paying the bills, taking out the trash, and other household items.
6. GO TO THE SERVICE. Even if funerals make you uncomfortable, it ain't about you. Get over it.
7. Identify that it will be important for your partner to quick slowly return to normalcy. You will see this happen naturally. When it does, let it happen and slow fall back into your roles.
8. Intimacy is so important during and after a tragic event. Cuddling, kissing, cute notes and text messages are a major plus.
This blog is commitment to conversations around building healthy relationships. Tragedy will happen. A power couple is in sync and understands each other's needs. The supporter who fails to fulfill this role may find themselves not being trusted, and eventually single.
As I sit and reflect this Thanksgiving morning, I am so thankful for so much to include those hatin' bammas that tried to take me down....
Ok now that I got that out..... I am so blessed and thankful for so so much. This time last year I was 100lbs heavier and now I am thankful for a much healthier and fulfilling life. I am thankful for my job as I have the opportunity to really touch lives and effect some positive change to all residents and visitors of the District of Columbia. I am proud and thankful to work for an administration that believes in accountability and to have a team (TeamDPR) who will not rest until the job is done. Toni, my boss, really understand the role of a mentor and leader! 🙌🏾
I am so thankful for my family. Lord knows we have been through a lot this year but love and support are our pillars and keeps us grounded. My mom, sister, brother, nephews, nieces, cousins, aunts and uncles really have no idea how much just knowing they are there, and are proud of me keeps me going all day.
I am so very thankful for my friendships. I really have some ride or die people in my corner. Julia, Dru, Shinar, Chelsea, Lonna, Cornell, Vanessa, April, Blue, Joncier, Kim and William have all been exceptional models of friends for the longest (ain't nobody messin' with my.....)
Finally I am increditabily greatful and thankful for my wonderful boyfriend. Just when I thought there was no hope in finding my match, God casually placed this amazing person in my path. Little did I know that we shared the same values, moral compass, and truly fell in love with each other. I have never felt so connected, attracted too, and support by a partner in my life. Our future excites me and I hope that everyone gets to feel like this one day. His family has welcomed me with opened arms and we all know that's a big hurdle to get over. Mannnnnn.....we cleared that with no problem! 😜
Well it's time to go finish cooking my meal, have dinner with the family then head to the fire house for my 12 hour overnight shift. I'm actually ok with that. People call 911 on possibility the worst day of their life and my job is to protect life and property by any means necessary. On Thanksgiving I am proud and honored to answer that call. Be safe y'all. Love you all!
Feeling wanted, desired and cared about is a basic humanistic desire we all have. It is one thing to feel it from your family, but we all want that one person that will ride or die for us. As we get older, relationships must be built on this foundation of support, commitment and desire to live and grow together.
You need to position yourself in a place that allows your partner to not only feel special, but you need to say it. If you are someone that is good looking and pretty popular, expect a little insecurity of the other person when it comes to exes, or people who appear to have feelings for you although you may not feel any. Plan for that. In some relationships, public affirmations and annocuements of what this person means to you will send all the message you need. In some relationships, a simple and private conversation will do. But most times a mixture of the two is what works best.
You can not control the actions of other people, but you can be very clear in your message to them. Be clear!! Do you remember the first time your significant other said something cute to you, first time they said they love you, the first time they put in some effort to make you feel special? It is vital that you both work to recreate moments like that for each other. Being made to blush is a great thing. Stop running from it. Make that your goal. It's this effort that will create a bond that will easily survive the future dumb arguments, disagreements and potential mishaps. Take the time to grow that bond.
Someone who is unclear of your value will send you signals. Pay attention. Understand that not everything needs to be discussed but when you feel like you aren't a priority, say something. You need to give people a chance to correct behavior before you run. But don't settle. Set clear lines of what is acceptable and what is not.
The true test of any relationships comes in time of tragedy and in the era of dissonance. At the end of the day, the last thing that you both should have to count on is each other. If you don't have that now, that needs to be the goal or get to steppin'. If you do have that in your relationship, cherish it and protect it at all costs. Let no one take that feeling from you.
My name is Tyrell Lashley and I graduated from Ithaca College in 2008 from the Theatre Arts Management Program. I am forever grateful for the experience Ithaca College provided me and the life long friendships that I made. But, there is a hidden story. There was an incident that I don't really talk about much and only my closest friends and family know about it. As I sit and watch the turmoil take over the campus, I can't help but feel for the current students as they handle the same struggles we went through 9 years ago.
It was my first semester, freshman year. I came back to my dorm after a long day of class just to find the words "Faggot", "Fruitcake" and a penis drawn in black permanent marker on my front door. I paused as I have never encountered such hardcore hate in my life. Even growing up as a kid in the inner city of Philadelphia, being held at gunpoint at the age of 14, this level of hate was new to me. These people did not know me at all. I open my room door to find my roommate sitting there eating chips with a slight smirk on his face. I ask him, "do you know who did this?" as I am trying to hold back tears. He says "ummmm, no". My first call was to my three best girlfriends who I knew would squad up and handle this how we did in the streets. They all rushed over to my room wearing tennis shoes, sweat pants and one even brought some vasoline in preparation for a fight. I calmed down for a second and called 911. Officers from the Ithaca College Office of Public Safety responded and interviewed me. They seemed to brush it off but in the back of my mind, I knew my roommate had something to do with it. That made my nights very long. How could I sleep in the same room with someone who hates me so much?
A few weeks later I was in my room preparing for final exams and I was listening to some gospel music. My roommate walks in and begins to laugh. I ask what was so funny. He says, "I had a dream about your homeboy Jesus, and I tried to give him some skittles in his hand but they fell through". Of course I was stunned yet again and I responded "someone has a bullet with your name on it". I was angry, mad, scared. His response was "Oh, I didn't think black people could write. Aren't you all illiterate". I knew at that point this living situation was not gonna work. I met with my Residence Director the next day and shared all of the details and her response to me was "you need to learn how to get along with people" and denied my request to transfer to another dorm. Needless to say the rest of my freshman year was a nightmare in my own dorm so I hardly was there.
As my college career progressed, I met people with similar stories like mine and I knew something had to change. I knew I was born for leadership and needed to do something. By the time I was a senior, I was elected Spokesperson/CEO of the African-Latino Society (ALS) which represented all students of color and their issues. We tackled a great deal and made tremendous progress primarily because we had a college administration that was tuned into the needs of the campus, cared for us all as students, and stood for what is right. President Rochen, your time has come and gone, please resign.
I am challenging all alum and current students to please share their Ithaca College experience that give details of incidents of racism and hatred so the world can truly see the impact this is having. Please use both hashtags #HowISeeIC AND #HowIReallySeeIC
In today's world, genuine and honest men are hard to come by. When you find one, hold onto them. Listen to their needs and meet them if you want to keep them. The world has few movers and shakers and if you happen to grab one, listen. It will probably be the most life changing experience you have. As a basic humanistic need, we want to ensure we are wanted, lusted after, by our partner, and no one can change that. Some may say "I like to keep my life private" but honestly that's an excuse to keep a plan B and they may not only be pursing you. Just be careful. Social media tells a lot. When someone is proud to stand next to you, there is no apprehension to let others know you are taken. Just a thought!
Over the last 72 hours, several people have asked me to write about this topic so here goes!!!! Have you ever heard someone say......"You are so accomplished".....Like it's a problem!
Well honey...here yee..here yee....I will not apologize for being successful.
This dating game can be very tricky....but do not discount us good guys simply because we have accomplished a great deal in life. Don't you want to be with someone who has drive, determination, stable, and have a solid grasp on life? Those who are successful at a young age are not only masters at multi-tasking, but are usually the most passionate and committed you will ever meet. I said to someone last week that it is ok to allow someone to be ya come up. BUT, you must not abuse it and show appreciation.
If being surrounded by accomplished people makes you uncomfortable, then you may have a self-confidence issue. Look, there is nothing wrong with recognizing that you want more for your life. But the only way to fix that is to get you some good good role models and mentors. But why not create an empire with your potential partner? Nothing is more great than team success. Growing up is hard, and I can not fix all of your problems. BUT I can promise that you will never have to face another one alone. Stop thinking people are trying to buy you, take care of you, or be ya mommy. Maybe someone is just trying to help you grow because they care. I have learned that not everyone is ready to thrive.
Someone I care about greatly once said to me that they didn't feel like they could offer much to the relationship. Honey you have my attention and clearly you have something that I value. You must offer a great deal in order to keep me present, here and accounted for. One thing about accomplished people is that time is extremely valuable. If you are getting hours per day, trust me you offer a lot. More than you probably imagine. Ask the question..."What do I offer you" and you may be pleasantly surprised what you hear.
Now.....for all of yall peeps out there who see a nice guy who has it going on....then you go home and sit back and plot on how to bae them up so you can enjoy the fruits of their labor...hunty....get ready for the wrath. Be careful....don't be surprised when your world begins to crumble all around you simply because you took advantage of someone...and trust...they know it....they are just planning an explosive exit.
Now, there is nothing wrong with accepting gifts, compliments and just good company. Hell, allow someone to treat you well....you deserve it (most of yall). You may not be able to reciprocate it right now and most of the time that isn't what is desired. Usually a simple "thank you" will do. But the demonstrated effort will not only bring some serious cohesion to your future partnership but lay the foundation built on trust, SAFETY, and compassion.
More to come....to subscribe to this blog, click "follow" in the bottom right hand corner.
~Tyrell
Has someone ever asked you what the definition of cheating is??? Does it have to be physical?? Well....hell no.
Let's keep it real. You are guilty of emotional cheating if the following applies.
1. You find yourself sending a "Good Morning Love" message to more than one person every day.
2. You are deleting messages from your phone to avoid someone finding them.
3. You place your phone on the table with the screen facing down so a certain someone won't see it.
4. You don't want to invite your bae to an event because either the other one will be there, or you want to invite them instead.
Emotional cheating is a classic sign of someone who doesn't have the ability or desire to commit. You can not expect to get a fulfilling relationship if you can't be truthful with yourself.
If you are dating, you MUST be clear if you are dating one person at a time, and if there is a front runner. Give the other person the opportunity to stay or go. But for heavens sake don't try to cover it up, because when it all crumbles, it won't be pretty.
Weak people will say, "well I never said we were dating exclusively". Boy/Girl bye....you shouldn't have to say it. And the worst thing about it all is the ones who usually get hurt, are the good ones, the one yo ass ain't deserve to begin with.
There is nothing wrong with meeting people. In gay life, it happens all the time. I can remember a time I met someone new every day of the week. But I never take it to another level with the name "bae", "beautiful", "handsome" unless the conversation has been had about what this is. If you can't have that conversation, sit yo weak ass home and watch Lifetime.
Stay tuned for the next topic, "Know what you want, and your value".
To subscribe to this blog, click "Follow" in the bottom right corner.
Public servants wake up everyday, go to work, and serve the people. We value and honor the public trust placed in us. When our community hurts, so do we. There are thousands of District employees working to improve the quality of life of those we serve. The leadership of the current administration works around the clock to keep you safe, engaged, and on the path of progression. But remember, these are people with limits, emotions, and feelings. So please take the time today and say thank you to a public servant. Without them your 911 would go unanswered, your park would be an overgrown mess, your trash wouldn't be picked up, and countless lives lost everyday would be heart wrenching. Now it is important to note that public service is not for everyone. Those who find themselves misplaced should be redirected elsewhere. But as we respond to the ever changing public need, we MUST be creative, try new things, and make data informed decisions. Now go be great and remember that thank you. Love Yall. 😘 
So I know this post may get some response from people, ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other. But, most people who have hit their mid twenties have engaged in what we know as a "hook up". It is an unconnected encounter where sexual activity occurs between two people (or even more) and that is it. No desire to get to know each other on any other level. Some experience this at a very early age, but some continue past their sophomore year of college which is a healthy place for that behavior to stop. As we mature, our need for healthy relationships becomes critical. No matter what you say, sex is personal, it is deep and every person you choose to lay down with will always have a little piece of you. So, gay men especially, if you have laid down with a large number of people, what will you have left to give that special someone when they arrive? Do you have a friend that is rude, mean, quick to judge others, and never go out of their way to do something for others? They are probably in heat, and just being reckless in the bedroom. Friends, when you see this behavior, you MUST intervene. That person's blessing probably has already come and gone and now they are sitting there, and now have to deal with the reputation of thotism and classlessness.
Have you ever met someone and they say "I just do me". Ok....so you are choosing to open yourself up to emotional turmoil with people who could care less about you. Those who pursue you will say whatever they need to get what they want. But once you fold, see how quick they change. Let me guess, you left his house walking to the metro or left to fend for yourself. If that's ok with you, I pray you gain some self worth. You ain't fooling me when you say "it is what it is". Our natural human instinct want and need personal and close connections. We are the first group of people to throw shade at the good guys. But trust me yall, they will always prevail.
Those of you who have passed this stage in life, congrats. I hope you got out safely. But understand the world you are in. If you are committed to healthy relationships, take every new person and experience for what it is. Learn from your past but don't hold that against them. Allow the good ones to be good to you. But you must reciprocate and show appreciation. The little things matter in the beginning. The random text in the middle of the night that you are thinking about them. The random selfie smile, a $3 card, or a simple "you are great" will lay the foundation of respect in their crazy dating world. Be safe yall. Be smart. Love hard.
All of my life, I have been described as someone who is loving, caring, giving, protective, and passionate. That I will never apologize for. But those characteristics can sometimes make us blind to the most abusive behavior before our very eyes. I need to learn to be careful who I let in without getting an understanding of them. For the last couple of months I have given all of myself just for it all to come down in a pile of rubble filed with nothing but my feelings. All I asked for was honestly and respect. Two very simple requests. No matter how well you treat someone, you can't teach them morals or make them do the right thing. As I have grown up, I have had blessings (people) come in and out of my life. I have appreciated each experience but tried to do the right thing. I have seen some friends do very reckless things, abuse the ones supporting them the most and each and every time they end up regretting it and want what they lost. But, that usually doesn't happen. All I can do is pray that God will keep them and protect them from what we all know will be a rough road ahead!!
One incredible lesson I have recently had to learn is that not everyone can understand, appreciate, or is ready for the fine dining meal you are presenting. Some are just so use to Wendy's and McDonalds that when you present your platter of support, commitment, drive and fun, they simply can't deal. But don't let that lessen the quality of your presentation. Once they get a taste of the fine meal, they will think about it and eventually will grow to love it. Quality will speak for itself. Remember that those with morals and loyalty will always prevail although it will be difficult at times. Let's just hope that when their pallet is ready for your wonderful meal, that it is still available.
This week the nation celebrates a major milestone with the right to marry in all 50 states. Many are celebrating gay pride event. But I ask what are you proud of? Those in a relationship, it is critical to show your partner that you are proud and happy to be with them. Are you proud of your partner? Happy to call them yours? Proud of the work they do? If so, make sure they know that. It may not be as obvious as you make think. Take a few moments over the next 24 hours to make you special someone, indeed feel special.
Are you a champion or cheerleader for your boyfriend? Is he to you? In a relationship, the support of one another is what pushes you both to be great. But being supportive isn't above giving money. It is showing up to their events, attending work functions, and help them process through their new ideas and goals. A simple "I'm proud of you" can work wonders. See this great link with 30 tips on being a better boyfriend. It opened my eyes up to a bit.
We often get some caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life that it becomes critical to make some special moments mean things. It doesn't have to be a special day like an anniversary or birthday, but anytime the opportunity presents itself. Today, my boyfriend and I are off to Walt Disney World and I have put a lot of planning to make it special. All we do is hope and pray our other half sees the effort, appreciates it, and walk always knowing they are loved. Disney is a special place for me and I am super excited to be making these special moments. So, I am taking the time to ourself. My work phone will not be with me, I will leave very little time for anything else other than laughing, smiling and just having a good time with the one who has my heart.
In relationships of substance, tests will present themselves. Embrace it for what it is no matter how difficult the conversation. When we are pushed to our limits, we grow as a person and as a couple, a unit. No one learned anything new doing the same thing over and over again. During the trying times, it is so important to remember we are people with feelings so please be careful with what words you choose. Also keep an open mind, self reflect on what you did to get us here, and say I'm sorry, especially if the person you care about is genuinely hurt because that can't be the reaction you were going for. Once the conversation is over, so something to make Yall laugh and spend some quality time together. But the phones down. Close the door. Look at each other and just tell each other why you fell for them in the first place.
When you think about the roles in a relationship, it is the job of all to make your partner smile and happy when they are down. But one thing that is always in the back of everyone's mind is, is there someone else making you happier? When we are down, we need to find those things that helps us change our attitude and mood. One would think it's spending time with your boyfriend. But when it's not, what does that mean? It's a real question. Boyfriends who are truly committed to your happiness will understand what you need to be happy. If that's time with a close friend or family member, they will understand. But when that person is someone who you have sexual history with, just understand it may take some time to adjust and get use too. Be easy. Have some understanding. Allow them time to vent, feel and not every comment is a fight or picking a fight. Speaking sometimes helps us process our thoughts. Just reassure him that he is the one you want. The one you love. The one that is the priority. Then all should be good.
As we go through life, some people enter and leave. That's normal. But every now and then, someone comes and you know they are there to stay. What does that person look like? They work to make you smile. They work to bring you peace. They work to be your blessing. But are you doing the same? Is it fair to not? Keep in mind that even the most giving people run out of gas. Take a moment to really list what you bring to the table. If you are struggling to make a meaningful list, then maybe you need to do more or let that person go. Do your priorities match? In any relationship, it is important to establish expectations. Communication is key. But when you commit, no one else can be more important. Relationships require work. It will not be easy. But the moments that things are great will make everything else and all the work, worth it.
At this point in my life, I enter into relationships that are expected to be life long. I enjoy giving my love to one person, I enjoy no longer saying what am "I" gonna eat for dinner, but what are "we" gonna eat for dinner. I enjoy leaving little post it notes that say I love you. I enjoy calling just to say hi and hear ya voice. Do you understand the value in that? People would kill for someone like that but sometimes the best thing could be right in front of you, and you don't even know it. When the relationship is real, it will be tested. Tested hard. But don't sway. Stay strong. Hold ya ground and remove anything potential dangerous. You deserve to be happy. But be ready to do whatever you can to make the other person happy. It isn't always a gift that does it, but a simple "I thought about you a lot today" or "thank you for being who you are" or "I'm happy to be with you". Random acts of kindness and affection carry the most impact. Thank about it. Don't be left singing the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.
Feel free to comment: Is it possible for exes or previous love interests to be your friend when you are in a relationship? I say yes. But, it so very important that you establish the boundaries and always protect your current relationship. Address inappropriate comments and accept the fact that their may be some manageable distension but it's ok. Some friendships are worth holding onto, but the moment they loose respect for your relationship, they gotta go. Be honest with your new partner no matter how difficult the conversation may be. It will make them feel secure and know that no one will interfere in your progress and success.
