What marriage means to me.....

By Tyrell T. Lashley

Well, the wedding that we and many people have been waiting for is just a few short days away.  I am totally filled with excitement, nervousness and overwhelmed with how much love and support our closest friends and family have shown us.  What is so beautiful is hearing from many people just how much our relationship inspires them. 

A few weeks ago, I accepted a new job in New Orleans and along with planning a wedding, honeymoon, and being a full-time student, we now need to plan a relocation.  I had to get to New Orleans quickly to start work so we have spent quite a bit of time apart.  The time apart has solidified that I am marrying the person I am suppose too and I say that because I have realized just how much comfort, joy and warmth I get just by having my partner around.  Also, this time apart has allowed me to think.  Think about what this major step in our life really means to me.  Some say we already appear to be married and that makes me smile.  It tells me not much will change when we get home from the wedding.  But what I really needed to define for myself, was what it really meant to be married. 

To me, being married is a lifelong commitment to a unit (hence the name of this blog).  It is a vow and pledge that you make to each other to be there and be whatever you need to be for your unit.  We often get the question “who plays what role”.  The answer is we don’t play a singular role, more so whatever role is required.  That may be the supporter, the cheerleader, the leader, the decision maker, the seducer, the realist, the protector, the provider, or simply just the ear.  But what I believe guides and keeps a marriage on track, is the commitment to the principals.  We have all heard them: honesty, loyalty, sacrifice, unconditional love, and flexibility.  But do we really understand them?  Let’s break them down.

Honesty

One would say this is rather easy.  But have you not told your partner something because you fear their reaction?  Is it dishonesty?  Probably not.  But to thrive and build on the foundation of honesty, you should share all information that you believe your partner would want to know.  When in doubt, share it.  Just be mindful to create a safe space and deliver the message with a tone of love.  If you are questioned about something, be honest from the beginning.  Usually when they ask you, they already know the answer. 

Loyalty

This is quite complex and the understanding or idea of loyalty can vary greatly from person to person.  The key here is to be clear on the expectations of your partner, share yours, and quickly discuss events that pop up that didn’t meet an expectation.  The unit should always appear to be one.  Even your closest friends may see you bicker from time to time, but keep that to a minimum.  Also, never ever embarrass your partner in front of others.  Public humiliation will never get you points.  Your partner must be absolutely sure that even when no one is looking, and you have the choice of the “unit” or another option, that you will ALWAYS choose the unit.  That includes your work life, family and social life.  There is no more you, and me.  It is only us.

Sacrifice

Understand that your partner is bringing in an entire new set of desires, likes, want and needs to the table.  They just become yours as well.  We all have one way of doing things, but what a marriage will help us quickly realize is that our way, is not the only way, and may not be the best way.  You must be willing to try something new, or go a different direction.  For example, if your partner likes an artist that you don’t know or care for, show an interest in their choice.  I am not saying become the President of the artist’s fan club, but a simple mention here and there simply shows that you are in tune with them.  Sacrifice also means making decisions that benefits the unit.  For example, you see this expensive watch but you know you both have some shared expenses coming up.  You must be willing to set aside your individual wants at times for the overall good of the unit.  On the flip slide, you must recognize your partner when you know they made a sacrifice.  Again, as I have said in previous blogs, a simple “thank you” goes a very long way.

Unconditional Love

This one is simple.  You must love your partner to the core.  You cannot have any reservations when you are apart to get married because they will pop up and haunt you.  Don’t make that jump until you are sure and ready.  Also, as you and your partner begin to build a life together, they must feel you will love and support them no matter what happens.  The loss of job, the loss of a loved one, financial hardship and emotional instability are a few examples of life events that can really knock someone off their core.  If you love someone unconditionally, you will be by their side every step of the way.

Flexibility

Finally, understand that no matter how hard and detailed you plan, unexpected things will happen that may derail your plan.  The beauty of a strong unit is how well they recognize the issue and quickly recover with another plan.  Damian and I have spent countless hours and loads of money on this wedding and we want nothing more than everything to be perfect.  But we know things happen and we are focused on what is most important.  That is celebrating our love and making a commitment in front of all our closest family and friends. 

Last week someone said to me, “you are about to be someone’s husband”.  All I could do was smile because all I could think about was making my mother proud when she looks up and sees me being the man she raised.  One that firmly believes in these five (5) principals.  One that will defend and protect his family, as well as comfort and nurture the home.  I cannot wait to say, “I Do”, as I feel like a great honor is being bestowed on me.  One that I take very seriously, and with pride.

Tired....

By Damian C. Morris

School with work on top of daily life. Greatness aspired.

I know I’m not the only one but boy I’m tired.

40 hours at the work place, and 20 plus in my school space.

Up at six and down at twelve. If you ask me, I’ll surely smile and tell you that I’m doing well.

But I’m tired, boy I’m tired as hell.

I make time for the gym cause I still want to be fit. Not as much as I want to but I still make some time for it.

I’m in a full time relationship and I assure you that’s a job in its self.

It’s not always a walk in the park but with love and support it surely adds to my wealth.

It would probably easy to give up, but I’m working to stay inspired.

I’m not complaining I’m just telling you I’m tired.

I’m tired of being average just like the next “savage”

I’m tire of a cap-off wage. I want to make more than they’ll allow to my age.

I’ve done parties and I’ve done clubs and I know there’s more to life than just bottles and Dubs.

So I’m not tired from a heavily sedated night. No, I didn’t down a bottle and no I wasn’t shaking my ass.

I was home last night with books and with papers because tomorrow I have class.

Now don’t get me wrong I like drinks, parties and friends. I have my own needs.

But at this point in my life, I have a hefty set of priorities.

So yeah I’m tired and when I say it I mean it

It’s not easy but it’s worth it and you better believe it

I’m tired, day to day. However, I’m tired of living my life in some plain ol’ average way.

Open Letter to the Families of Public Safety Servants……..

About two weeks ago, my brothers and sisters of the Stonewall Jackson Volunteer Fire & Rescue Department in Manassas, VA were shook to our core when one of our own was involved in an incident that was life-threatening and reminded us all just how quickly our world can completely be turned upside down.  Hours after the incident I sat with members of my fire department family in the waiting room of the hospital as we wiped tears, said prayers and just held each other.  The emotions in that room were intense as all we wanted to hear was that our close friend would be ok.  But most importantly, we all just wanted to do something.  A conversation was sparked when someone mentioned not just the need to support our friend, but to support each other and how sometimes it is hard to find that needed support outside of our public safety family.  Then it dawned on me…..our loved ones, family and friends outside of our world may simply just not know what we need and how to support us, and that is ok.  Communication couldn’t be more important here.

One truth that needs to be clear is those Firefighters, EMTs, Medics, Law Enforcement Officers, and 911 call takers and dispatchers are united by the work.  Yes, we are often referred too as heroes but understand we are humans with feelings and emotions.  We are called upon to react in situations that are usually the worst day of someone’s life.  When everyone else is running away from danger, we don’t have a choice but to run towards it.  We took an oath to protect and even in times we are scared, we must still perform.  There is an understanding that we will only survive if we take care of each other.  When the call comes in, we must put our own feelings and emotions aside and execute our training to perfection.  Our small misstep can mean the difference in life and death.  This is a burden that some people will never feel in their lifetime.  As we respond, it is our partners in service that say “hey watch out he has a gun”, pulls you out of a house fire before the floor collapses, or hops on the phone while you are giving CPR instructions to a mother who is trying to revive her baby.  I can remember a few years ago I worked a 34-hour shift at the firehouse and we ran 37 calls during that time.  Taking a nap or break was not an option.  We keep on pushing even when we literally had nothing left.  So needless to say when a member of our team is hurt, we hurt with them.

To our families, please understand that every time the alarm sounds that spring us into action, you are at the forefront of our mind.  Usually it is the routine calls that turn sour and we are hit with the harsh reality that we may not make it home.  When we hear someone over the radio say “shots fired” or “I need help”, you are whom we think about.  We see tragedy and situations no one should ever witness; and no matter how hard we try, calls stick with us and we bring those emotions and feelings home.  So here are a few tips to help and support your hero during tough times.

1.              When they get home from their shift, hug and kiss them.  Tell them you love them.  That immediately provides some relief.

2.              Ask them how their shift was.  Do not avoid it, as they need a safe outlet to get their feelings out.  Keeping it in can cause us to depression, mood swings and have lasting effects.

3.              Get to know their public safety family.  Meet their crew and partner.  If there is something you do not understand about what they do, ask.  It will mean to world to them that you take an interest.

4.              We continue to do this work not just because we like the adrenaline, but mostly we want our families to be proud of us.  Make sure they know that.  Don’t assume they know. 

5.              Understand that their humor will sometimes be dark.  That is just our way of trying to not personalize the calls we run.

6.              They may become quiet and seem distant which is normal.  But, don’t let them stay in that space for too long.

7.              Burn out is a real thing and can come must faster than a non-public safety profession.  Try to help them find ways to decompress. 

8.              In the event a member of their team is hurt or worse, killed, just be available and present.  Be sure to ask the question, “Do you need me to do anything”.  Reach out to their friends and check on them as well. 

9.              After a major incident, injury or loss, they may be sensitive, temperamental, or short.  Try your best to be understanding.  Even the strongest of people will need your love. 

10.          Finally, understand that the work they do is not for everyone, and you have a very special person in your life.  They want nothing more than your love and know you have their back.

Every time we put on that uniform, we have no way to knowing what is coming our way.  We will only be able to deliver the stellar service and save countless lives with your love and support.  You are much important to our public safety life than you probably realize.  This most recent incident pulled at heartstrings I didn’t know I had and I almost hung up my uniform one final time.  If it wasn’t for my family, friends and most amazing fiancé, I am not sure if I would have been able to return to duty.  Of behalf of my brothers and sisters in service, thank you for loving us and supporting us when we need it most.  

Let's Have That Difficult Conversation.....

You know that feeling you get when something happens and you think you should say something, but you don’t want it to turn into a conflict?  Have you ever seen something that you know is wrong, felt like it wasn’t that big of a deal, and so you just moved past it?  Imagine having an idea, not being sure how it will be perceived, so it’s never brought up.  Tactics around tone, approach, and timing are things that need to be considered and are only mastered with maturity and experience.  There is no book that can be learned from, it is all trial and error.  In most cases, this is a great chance to seek advice from trusted counsel.  This happens at work, social circles, and at home.  If you haven’t mastered it yet, don’t worry! You are totally normal.

A major consideration is what the opportunity cost is.  In other words, what is the risk if you do or do not have the conversation?  In most cases, not having the conversation will lead to the condition getting worse and the fall out will be that much greater.  It’s the same as bullying… if you do not say anything, you almost become “okay” with it.  You will end up tolerating it, but inside a rage intensifies with an ice cold passion.

You need to ask yourself what is the value of the relationship and are you ok with all possible outcomes.  Here is an example… Your mother doesn’t like your boyfriend of three years and throws all types of shade when she sees him.  The reality is, her conflict started in the beginning and you should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago.  Consider how your boyfriend feels… he may feel like he is left out on an island all alone, and the one person who should protect him at all times is remaining silent.  I have said it before and I’ll say it again, protect your unit at all costs, no matter who it is.  Your boyfriend may never tell you it makes him uncomfortable when he is hit with Hurricane “MOM”, but why should he have to?  Look out for the signs. Listen to your partner, even when he or she is not talking, you can still hear them.

So how do you facilitate a difficult conversation?  If you could really careless about your relationship with that person, then you simply send them a message saying their behavior is not ok and that friendship is over; but in almost all other cases, it is those closest to us that are causing some type of dissonance.  Be mindful what matters here: partner’s feelings. You may think there is nothing wrong with your mother’s comments, but if you know it makes your partner uncomfortable, you need to put an end to it.  You have got to work effortlessly to create a culture of safety, where any conversation topic is ok and will be heard.  This is much easier said than done, but you have to try every day.  Now, if the person is very close to you, there are ways to establish boundaries without blasting them in the chest.  Keep in mind that boundaries are not automatically known; they must be established and communicated per person and per relationship.  Lead the conversation with love, “hey you know I really cherish our friendship. However…”  Then provide an example to make it clear what the issue is, “I noticed the rude comments you’ve made to the person I have chosen to be with, it is disrespectful and it is rude.”  Allow them to respond and it will tell you quite a bit.  Beware, never place the reason for the conversation on the back of your partner.  Even if they are the one who is compelling you to speak up, you must always remain as the fortress around your partner.  Never allow the conversation to become a “he said, she said” because in that moment, instead of defending your partner, you might have created the start of distrust.

Be prepared for this person to pull back a bit.  Be prepared for them to defend themselves and understand that most of the time they will be shocked because the result of their actions were not intentional.  Know that this will be temporary and if they respect you and your relationship, they will quickly fall back into place and all is well.  If they do not, you know they were not ready to be that close.  The worst thing we can do is avoid a conflict because we are afraid of someone’s hurt feelings or reaction.  We need to find a much better way to use our words to shape the conversation.  Too many times, strong couples allow non-confronted conflict to boil up and eventually they will irrupt.   If this happens, it will be difficult to control the fall out rather than address the minor issues when they happen. I’ll leave you with some wise words from Mrs. Jackson, “Shut that down automatic, and I guarantee they’ll fall in line” meaning speak up for yourself and you will be heard.

I am interested in hearing your experiences.  Please feel free to comment with your thoughts and stories.

What it means to be a strong man for your unit...

I often hear people say that they want a "strong" man, or they want to be a strong man, but do you really know what strength is? What is it you’re really asking for?

Strength does not come from power, or fear, or material things. Strength comes from the ability to be ethical, moral, loyal and honest. Strength comes from the ability to commit to the long term goals and dreams of your unit. To be able to communicate and compromise. However, don’t be mistaken, being a genuinely strong man can be very difficult at times.

Strong men will have bad days, amazing days, moments of weakness and will be scared at times and have many moments of triumph. They will fight the battle of trying to protect their unit and their heart at the same time. Strong men have a tendency to hold things in because they are scared the conversation will be taken out of context or will cause unwanted distention. Being strong all the times, means you will walk into battle daily with those who are not as strong, those who are not morally aligned and those who challenge you both mentally and physically.

The one place of relief that must be available is at home. Strong people support other strong people, despite the alpha-male notion. In a gay relationship, it may take some time for these roles to be discovered and ironed out. Both parties will flip roles almost several times a day but, do you know how to support a strong man? If you are strong, don't assume it's the same as what you need. Keep in mind that strong men don’t need things when they come home to you, they need time. They need love, compliments, reassurance, random acts of kindness, intimacy, and most importantly to know you will have their back when they aren't around and they can't fend for themselves.

Strong men often have a million things going through their mind at one time. Examples would be big work projects, bills, home tasks and just simply ensuring their partner has everything they need. They do all of this joyfully, simply because they love to love their partner and when fully committed, they will drop and give everything for the unit. This is all healthy love we deserve and need, but keep in mind that just like a muscle, that strong man needs to be massaged, given a chance to heal and rest and no matter who you are, you have a major role in that process.

In summary, don't assume being a strong man is easy or something that can be measured by material things or actual strength. Measure it by their actions, ability to set their own fears and feelings a side for the unit, and their commitment to fight any battle or enemy of the unit. Identify that you have a strong man, love him, nurture him, and remember that you are much more important to him than you will ever imagine.

Note From A Willing Procrastinator

What will it take for you to cherish time? The loss of an opportunity that could have changed your life severely? Or maybe the loss of a person that you’d regret not taking advantage of time with? Maybe if one day we all cherish time the way we cherish a dollar bill, our lives would be dramatically more fruitful. Alarm clock rings at 6 but we snooze it three or four times till the last unmovable minute. We’ll say ten till 7, at which running around the room, the bathroom, and then the kitchen become the optimal choice. Wipes eyes, finds clean pants, shirt, socks, brush teeth, maybe wash face, where’s my shoes, fill dogs bowl because he’s more important than work, run to the kitchen, hope there’s leftovers for lunch, grabs banana, forgot phone upstairs, Olympic sprint to the car… still late by just one minute. We never truly realize that at 10 till 7 we were just as tired as we would have been at 6. The only thing gained was lost time. But hey what’s 50 minutes in the morning, right? 18,250 minutes of your time you spent in the oblivion in just a year.

What will it take you to cherish time? Be excited to talk to your mom or dad when they call you. Oh you were busy hanging out with some friends for a few hours but couldn’t answer the phone for just 2 minutes? But hey what’s 2 minutes, right? It’s just those two minutes that some other people don’t have and wish they could behold just once more with their parent. Don’t tell me you don’t have two minutes when other people have lost the only 2 minutes they could’ve have. Don’t do it later, don’t start Monday, don’t blame the new year on the delay of your success. I am the pot and I am black but if the unwilling procrastinating kettle had any regrets, I’d imagine it be something like “I should’ve taken the time to…”

Count your minutes like you count your dollars, value them, save them for someone or something important, spend them wisely, spoil people with your time because the only difference between dollars and time is that you can get your dollar back. I tell you that my time is valuable, precious, I tell you that I can’t spend valuable time on things and people that don’t understand how magnificent they must be to have my time. I tell you all of this, now tell me… What will it take for you to cherish time, willing procrastinator?

Remember to pause, check-in, and give a hug!

I have recently heard from a very trusted advisor that hugging someone for 30 seconds brings you and that person so much closer together, releases stress, and builds trust.  No matter how close you are to someone, we all have thoughts and ideas and fears that trouble us that we simply do not share.  Not because we don't want too, but because the environment may not be safe.  

Strong and healthy relationships are very close units that are built on honestly, love and support.  But as our daily lives get so busy, we often get tunnel vision and get lost in the daily routine of life.  This is when it becomes so very important to simply pause, check in and get a pulse on your partner to see how things are going.  It doesn't have to be a big moment but the probing questions like "are you ok babe?", or "how is work going", or "do you have any big projects coming up soon?", or "how do you feel about where we are?". Be prepared for them to say ok to them all, but keep it up and you will be surprised what you learn.  But when you notice a change in behavior, not asking these questions would send a message of disinterest.  Be very careful.  If and when they open up, your reaction will be magnified by 100 so strive to listen, be supportive and understanding.  Remember laughter will lighten any mood and keep in mind it is conversation, not a lecture, sermon or speech.

Far too often we hear of people who just hit a breaking point.  They have built up so much stress that they either flee the relationship, take their life, or just become a different person when it could have all been avoided but simply having an outlet to vent.  On the flip side, their concerns may have nothing to do with you at all, but just the fact that you took the time out to ask the question will make that unit so much stronger.  Here is an example that can be applied in the workplace.  Most organizations have scheduled feedback moments, usually called performance appraisals.  This is an opportunity to give feedback, share stories, celebrate accomplishments, and make suggestions in a safe and controlled environment.  This is almost identical in your relationship.  

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend who said it feels like she and her husband are only parents and no longer lovers because they never talk about each other and their relationship.  I made this recommendation, they did it last night and so much progress came from a five minute safe conversation.  No one likes difficult conversations, especially the ones you have no idea where it could go.  But avoiding it can be catastrophic.

"Does my ass look fat?" -- Looks still Matter!

When is it the right time to tell your partner that they may be gaining weight? The answer is all the time. Remember, this is just my perspective. Your man/woman may want you to lie to them about their body image. That’s something you might want to communicate with them at the beginning. However, I believe you should always be able to tell your partner the truth without them getting offended. Being someone that was a chunky kid all my life, to becoming a fit gym head I know my body and I can see when I gain just one pound. I know my fiancé thinks I’m beautiful no matter what but he knows that I want him to tell me the truth. I would be mad as hell if he kept telling me, “You didn’t gain weight,” “that shirt looks the same on you,” “You’re crazy, no you don’t!” and then years go by and I’m 60 pounds more than I used to be. Talk to your partner. Find out what their goals are, especially if they have or had body image issues. If you know what your partner expects from their self, then you can help lead them in the right direction and tell them to put the cupcake down! With loving words of course.

Leading them in the right direction might start out from leading by example. Shaping your body is the easiest most hardest thing in the world. I know, you thinking “how does that make any sense?” We know what we need to do to get our bodies in shape and if you don’t know, you have all the access in the world to find out. The hardest part is applying what you know. There’s so many thing you’d have to give up: junk food, laziness, early mornings, early nights, and my personal favorite alcohol. UGH what will I do if I don’t have these things? A fit body. Easier said than done, I know, but if you had someone to do it with like your Partner/best friend, you can’t say you wouldn’t be more motivated. Make it fun, create challenges, and remind yourselves that this is both self-growth and growth together.

Now to the side of Satan, the men and woman that ask their partner if they look fat in that certain outfit and get mad if your partner tells you the truth… you just can’t do that. Granted depending on the delivery of the truth, I’d understand. But in any other cases you need to let your ego rest. I’m sure your partner isn’t trying to hurt your feelings and if you think they are intentionally trying to hurt you, you’ve got bigger fish to fry. Only people willing to let you fail will lie to you. Be blessed when your lover tells you the truth even if the truth hurts. You know what that tells me? That my partner loves me, is honest with me, supports my goals and dreams, wants me to be better, trusts me, is comfortable with me. Something as simple as my fiancé agreeing that I’m fat does all of that for me. (P.S. I don’t think I’m horribly overweight but I’ve had trouble putting the cupcake down, if you know what I’m saying.)

None-the-less anything said with love is valuable. Nothing your partner says to help improve you should be taken in any way but with love. Take a step back, look at the bigger picture, ask yourself if what’s being said could be used to detour you or if can it be used as a leverage. If he’s the one for you, you’ll always get leverage. #oneunit

Acceptance

I thank the stars and sky that I’ve never been anywhere with my fiancé that we haven’t be accepted with open arms. Of course we feel no shame in who we are and who we are together, so yeah, everyone knows were in a relationship as soon as they see us. And I do believe it’s a wonderful thing to show off your partner. Reminds you what you have and it also makes your partner feel good.

I used to feel ashamed when I first started having boyfriends. Not that what I thought I was doing was wrong. I was just scared to be judged, to be honest. Lord knows that half the people out there don’t feel comfortable or just plain don’t want to see two men kissing on the street. Then add to the fact that its two black men kissing, you just don’t see things like that around! “How weird!” “Who’s the woman, who’s the man?” “ugh!” or “Don’t look.” Crazy thing that it’s not only adults but children too. Instead of these parents teaching their kids to just love everyone... young boys get in trouble and shamed because they want to play with a doll. Girls stay inside to help mom cook instead of helping dad with the yard. I could go on but I think you get the point and it all started at birth when you decided your daughter should have a pink blanket.

Your friends and family love you, they accepted you, your gay friends, your partner, etc. it’s all good! Right? …till you mention the idea of their child becoming gay, then it’s like, “no, he won’t be gay” or “Not my son!” then in a quick instance being gay wasn’t a problem for you but for your family. Or maybe the brainwashing that has been done to you hasn’t quite left completely.

At some point being called gay and a fag have become negative connotations and to some it still is. Whereas it would probably be a little weird if someone went around calling another person straight. But then again it’s not okay to say the “N” word but people still said it and still say it.

Imagine being called a name that was outside of your birth name. Blood pressure rises, fists clench, palms sweat, veins pulsate… oooh, I’d have half the mind to beat the shit out of you and make you eat the words. Excuse my language. I may look small and delicate but man, if I was angered like that and pushed to that limit, I’ll grow bigger than any ego. However, the way my peace works and the way my reality unfolds, I’m more likely to ignore you and wish you the best. Why? Because putting someone down ultimately means you’re unhappy. I will continue to be gay and black and I’ll continue to love my self and bask in my “unorthodox” relationship.

Instead of telling your kids not to look, why don’t you tell them how happy we are, or how Jesus wants them to love everyone. Don’t talk about our “sins” and leave yours unspoken. Remember, where it said for people to “hate gays” it also said a lot of other things like don’t cheat, lie, or steel. You outta start hating yourself, if anyone. Why don’t you teach them and yourself that you don’t have to like anyone, but you should RESPECT everyone.

Deciding when to plan...

Who’s to decided when it’s a good time to start deciding? You know... when you find someone you love so much and you wish you could show it in more than a physical way. A hug doesn’t show it enough, not even a kiss. I’m talking about loving someone so much you wish there was a way that somehow your souls could wrap around each other. What a euphoric feeling it must be. But when you get that feeling no matter how long it’s been; One year, five years, 2 months, 3 weeks. When is it acceptable to start making plans together? When should we get married? Can we move in together already? How many kids do we want? What are your career goals? How much say do I have for my partner so that they don’t think I’m trying to control them? Those are the questions that a lot wonder and somehow the social constructs make us seem like you need to wait. What are we waiting for? Approval? Longevity? Definite commitment? Stop waiting and start feeling. Stop inviting others in to the relationship that’s between you and your lover. It’s definitely healthy to have outside sources to talk to. Friends, family, etc… but always remember no one is in your relationship but you two. If you’re waiting on the approval and acceptance of everyone else to begin your life, it’s no longer your life and trust you’ll be waiting. Be happy with your partner. If you can do nothing else together, just be happy. Here’s a list of things couples can be, tell me which one you feel sorry for:

The broke but happy couple The rich but happy couple The homeless but happy couple The unaccepted by everyone but happy couple The loved by all and happy couple The rich, has a big house, few cars, loved by all but unhappy couple

I’ll wait…. I’m not too sure about you but there’s only one couple up there that I feel a bit sorry for and it’s the one that has everything but also has nothing.

To answer the question: When is it acceptable to start making plans together? When you both decide it’s what will make you happy. If you’ve been dating for a month and decide, this is the one who I love and want to make it work with for the rest of my life, marry him/her. If your partner makes you feel inspired, bright, like you want to be more for them, gives you positivity and beyond, don’t wait for someone else to say “I approve.” If they’re stirring you in the right direction and are trying to help you follow your dreams, today is the day your partner has input on you. Why? Because you know they want to see you flourish. So why not let them “Upgrade you.” No shame! When you’re happy together, anything goes. All’s fair in love and happiness!

I'm Black, Gay, and PROUD to be in love..

The recent events of innocent black men being hunted and murdered by police not only unleashed an ugly truth this country has been hiding forever, but has forced use to have difficult conversations with those we considered close family, friends and we are realizing that we may not have known them as well as we thought.  I try my best to always live in my truth and be the same person I am at night behind closed doors as I am if I was standing in front of a camera on CNN.  To me, it is so much easier to just be who I am.  So let me tell you just exactly who I am.

My name is Tyrell.  I am a black man with light skin.  Whether you believe it or not, I am at risk every day of being profiled before someone even speaks to me.  But you know what, I am not even mad at that.  I would much rather someone admit to themselves that they are profiling me and work to combat that instinct.  In addition to being black, I am a gay male who was raised in the inner-city of Philadelphia and later moved to the suburbs of Northern Virginia (a predominately white community).  I am an educated brother with a masters degree in public administration and I work for a local government who serves you every single day (even on my days off).   I firmly believe in my obligation to work for the betterment of those around me as well as provide and protect my family at all costs (including my life).  I am not the same as my other brothers and sisters but we are united in the struggle.  We understand each other and my message to those of you who can't relate, simply accept and understand that it is not about y'all right now.

To my social justice warriors who are keeping the #BlackLivesMatter movement alive, thank you.  We are angry and you are providing an outlet for relief that is clearly working because it is making the most dangerous racists in our community uncomfortable.  Don't let anyone stop your cause.  This nation and those who will occupy it in the future need you now more than ever.  To my amazing friends that work in law enforcement, I am so so very sorry for the events that occurred in Dallas, TX.  That was not and is not the answer and I will continue to support law enforcement.  To the families of the innocent black men and women who have been hunted and killed like cattle by the police, I am so very sorry for your loss and I wish I could relieve your paid.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all daily.  Now, back to those in law enforcement.  You all have to help us, help you.  Come to the table.  Check your brothers and sisters in uniform when they step out of line.  There is clearly a problem here.  Powers are being abused and innocent people are dying.  To take no action at all, is just as bad as you pulling the trigger.  That would be the same as firefighters knowing one of their own is starting fires and they don't say anything about it.

To you closed minded, uneducated, and disconnected individuals who remain silent on these issues.  I pray for the day a non-white person has to come to your aid/rescue.  I have said it once, and I will say it again; those who do for others will see the rewards 10 fold.  To the bigot that called my fiance a faggot yesterday on social media, have you found your edges yet?  This nation is on the brink of a civil war and the weaponry of today would shower blood on our streets for years to come.  We have the power to stop it.  We must always remember that we are #PeopleFirst and approach every conversation with the idea of understanding and resolution.  But understand if you come ready for a fight, you will probably get one that you were not ready for.

To those readers who are in leadership positions.  Understand that everyone is sensitive right now.  That is ok and we need to foster an environment where people can speak and express themselves safely while being respectful.  The tasks before us is large and we must hold people accountable for their actions and words.  To those who support Donald Trump, that level of hatred has risen to domestic terrorism and the FBI should probably be looking into you.  I know I would.

Finally, through all of these emotions, I am proud to be in love.  I don't know if I would be so balanced right now if I didn't have my partner.  This blog is focused on building those healthy relationships that are focused around love.  With the recent shootings in Orlando, several deaths of our unarmed black men, and hunting of police officers, I think everyone could use a hug.  So I say all that to say this.....take care of each other, yourself, and most importantly, your partner.  Right now, you may find them being a little more pulled back or quiet and that is simply because their mind and thoughts are just racing and are unsettled.  Support each other, work every single day to make them smile and tell them often that you love them. Do the little cute things you did when you first started dating.  Love heals ALL wounds and right now we are all hurting.  A little effort will help more than you know.

Keeping the love alive...

Over the last couple of weeks I have encounter several very long-lasting and successful couples. It was beautiful. I took the opportunity to ask a few of them for some tips or advice for us younger lovers. Here is a summary of their responses which were almost the same across the board. 

1. It's not easy. Tests will come and with every challenge you both work through, the relationship will grow stronger and stronger. 

2.  Always put the other person first. Meaning before you make a decision, consider the feelings of your partner. If you both do this, your interests are protected and considered. 

3. No other family comes before yours. Meaning the one you are building. As we all date in a more diverse world, family tension is inevitable. But, you must protect your family at all costs, even from your own. 

4. Never forget to say thank you and show appreciation for the daily and small things. You will never know what someone went through to come through for you. You must be the biggest cheerleader for your partner. 

5. Respect each other. Belittling the other will be damaging and it can not ever be reversed. 

6. Communication is critical (this wasn't surprising). If either one of you need to talk, make the time, and make it safe. Don't push them to seek refuge elsewhere. 

7. The thought of loosing your partner should scare the shit out of you. Make sure they know this. If you are ok with them not being there, then they shouldn't be. 

8. Try to match the grind. Nothing is more unattractive then someone with no goals, dreams, drive and determination. 

9. Never stop dating. Shower each other with affection, love and admiration. 

10. Finally, effort goes a long way. This does not mean buy expensive gifts but simply ensure your partner knows that you and your family are their highest priority. Don't assume they feel this way and tell them often verbally and through your actions. Make it a point to put a smile on there face everyday. 

And evvvvveeerrryyyyone said that "if you get a good one, keep him". 

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Know Me....Help Me....

We all have insecurities. These are fears or things about ourselves we don't think others like. Some would argue that they are things we don't like about ourselves but I disagree. A root of an insecurity is the precevied response or opinion of someone else. For example you may not like the way you look in a bathing suit because someone once mad a face or didn't compliment you when you thought you looked great. Or something happened in the past that caused you pain and you are scared it is going to happen again. 

Insecurities are normal. They humble us. There is no way around them. But how do we deal with them in a relationship? Some may say it is weak to have an insecurity. So peep this....If someone is showing you the insecurity, it means they trust you enough to be that vulnerable around you. That is a privilege that can be easily abused or lost. Here are a few points. 

1. It is job of your partner to understand your insecurities, where they come from, and work to help you overcome it. 

2. Keep in mind that a crack or joke about the insecurities may seem harmless but know you have just hit the most vulnerable part of their being. 

3. Make a strong effort to share insecurities you both have. Know that the environment must be safe and without fear of judgement or being made fun of. 

4. Never downplay their feelings with statements like "that is stupid" or "I don't know why you feel that way".  The reality is its their feelings and you cant deny that. Seek to understand and ask how you can help. 

5. Be in tune enough to know when something is uncomfortable and protect their heart. 

6. You should never, ever use an insecurity as ammunition in an argument or disagreement. You will almost instantly loss their trust and may never get it back.

One way to understand the root of insecurities is to discuss each other's past. Find out why their relationships ended and I am certain you will learn a lot about why they act the way they do today. Find out who and how they got hurt. If you have never been in that situation, try to place yourself there and see if you can understand. Here is an example that we all can probably relate too. If you do not think your partner finds you as attractive as you find them, the fear of them leaving you can be overwhelming sometimes especially if it has happened before. It is important to share this with your partner because they probably think you are beautiful and actually may feel the same. Once that insecurity is shared, accept it. If you are the supporting partner, you now have to make an effort to remind your lover just how beautiful they are. Subtle things will do the trick. No fireworks needed. 

Another example would be if you were with a female who has had issues having children. Of course this topic is sensitive and should be free from jokes. Also if you start to try to have a child, understand it will be scary. 

When dealing with the insecurities, the more you understand them and their history/origin, the easier they will be to overcome. Keep in mind that you will need to put your partner's feelings first before your own. You both are in a healthy and loving relationship and what creates the foundation of steel is trust and safety. Some other topics that usually have insecurities are body image, fashion, finances, loyalty, education. Remember to always be compassionate, accommodating and understanding. 

My fiancé and I discuss everything. We talk until we are both satisfied with the result and it always ends well. We hear each other out and seek to not just listen, but understand. We both walk into every conversation already knowing it's gonna be ok we because our commitment to the unit is real. #WorkForIt 

Be here and PRESENT....

It is one thing to be here, but are you PRESENT in your relationship?  Two very different things.  Lets explore...

Being here is simply being in the space.  But being present is being connected physically and mentally.  Are you able to know what your partner is feeling without even asking?  If so, then you are present.  No one is expecting you to be a mind reader, but be aware enough to know where they are at that moment.  Your reactions should counter that.  For example, you should always ask "how was your day" and actually care about the response.  It will tell you a lot.  One thing to know about men is that they try not to bring work drama home.  So the day could be really stressful and intense but they will say it is ok or good simply because they don't want to feel like a burden.  If you are present in that moment, you should pick up on that and your actions counter that.  Examples would be a simple kiss, hug, random I love you, or some action or phrase to move them to a better place.  Being present is also knowing each others' stress points.  For some people it is the beginning of the month when all the bills or due, or it is the end of the moment when a big report is due at work.  Being present in the relationship will bring these things to your radar.

I have mentioned before about how random small acts of kindness and affection can sustain and support a relationship through the roughest moments.  On a really bad day, he will remember that hand-written note and it will turn his day around.  Being present allows you to see those actions hold someone up.  We all want to feel some basic emotions.  Those include appreciation, love, security, and lusted after by the one we love.  All the other emotions and feelings are secondary.  Ask yourself if you are present enough to know where you stand in producing these emotions.  Believe it or not, people love how they want to be loved until they know exactly what you need.  So be clear.  Allow them to be present in the relationship by making it easy.  When that communication comes to you (both subliminal and direct), that it seriously.  Brushing it off shows you either don't care or you are not present.

In my experience, I have seen some couples were one is very present and the other is not.  They present one gives, drops hints that they need more and then something happens that moves their emotion from,"I will give me all", too "I don't give a shit".  Hardcore lovers take a very long time to get to the "I don't give a shit" phase, but once they do, it will be hard to get them back.  It is possible but it will require the other person to vulnerable, honest and learn to live without the other person for a bit.  Today I spoke to a friend who ended a serious multi-year relationship and now they are both back together.  It took the not present person to realize what they missed and what they had, behavior finally changed because they wanted too.

Being present in your relationship can prevent this.  It is not difficult but if you follow these simple guidelines, you should be good:

1.  Engage in daily conversation about what is happening in their life.
2. Consistently try to place a smile on their face and when you need one, they will be there.
3. Do not engage in any behavior that will disrupt the bond or something you know that will make the other uncomfortable (not even mad, just uncomfortable).
4. Take a vested interest in their goals, remind them of their goals, and offer help/support.
5. When they come to you for advice, try to be undistracted.
6. When needs are shared, take it very seriously.

A couple that can be vulnerable with each other in all aspects of the relationship, will grow into an incredibly strong bond without much effort.  Understand that you are fighting against the norm and your healthy relationship will be admired and also tested by outside forces.  Stay committed to the goals, the unit and your values.  Treat people well, do what's right, because karma is very real.  Hang in there and love more!!

Disclaimer:  This blog is simply my thoughts on topics surrounding healthy relationships and is in no way a depiction of my own loving relationship.  To submit a topic for consideration, please email tyrell.lashley@gmail.com.

We are getting married: You coming?

  Last week, I had the absolute honor and pleasure to ask the love of my life to join me in marriage. I am still on cloud 9 as we both consider marriage something that is sacret and is the ultimate commitment to become a unit that is unbreakable. That evening I was so nervous but when it happened and I heard the word "yes", the rush of emotion was overwhelming as I would use the words excited, scared, moved, honored and committed the describe the package of feelings I experienced. 

Yes, Damian and I are young but let me tell you something. I have NEVER been more secure with a decision in my life. You hear me?? Nothing. I am a Taurus and I have a pretty strong mind and this is for sure the best move for me, him and us. Over the last week, the outpouring of love and support from our friends, family and strangers has been nothing short of amazing. It gives me hope that love still is alive in us a people. But, let me be clear. There have also been some shady Katie's out here and all I can do is pray for you. Someone had the nerve to text me saying they are sick of seeing my happiness and love. Honey....I took my sharpest filet knife and removed that "friend" from my life faster than a speeding bullet. In my previous blog, I talked about protecting the unit. That's exactly what is happening. As we all grow older, develop as people, friends will come and go. Some people simply outgrown each other and that is ok. You just gotta know when to snip it. ✂️

Someone asked me this week, "what is your and Damian's secret". Here it is.....we both are constantly working on ourselves and us. No step is taken without the other person's interests considered. We talk about EVERYTHING. Even the things we think will be uncomfortable. We find the opportunity to talk about it. We listen. But most importantly, we stay committed to being open minded, kind to one another, understand that we may need to learn or change something, and that we may not always be right. I can tell you that I am usually the one that is wrong. 

Another person said that "I hope I find what you all have". The unfortunate reality is most people won't. Hell I never thought I would be blessed with someone so perfect for me. Friday morning I woke up really early for some reason and I had this strong desire to pray. So I simply dropped to my knees and said "thank you" over and over again. I still have a lot to learn. How to be a better boyfriend, fiancé, husband and friend. But as long as I try every single day to show Damian I love him with all my heart, I know we will win this game called life. 

Some shady queen said to me this weekend "are you sure Damian is as committed to you as you are to him, because you seem to post a lot about y'all then his does". I haven't laughed so hard in a while. Yes. I am absolutely sure of the fact that someone tried to measure our relationship and bond by counting social media posts, was absolutely hilarious and kinda sad at the same time. All I can tell you is when I get home, go to bed, wake up, go to work and at every moment of the day, my fiancé loves me and ensures I feel loved. That's ALL that matters. I love to write and made the choice to express myself with words. 

Finally, as a gay black man, I have always told myself I wanted to be a model person. That includes son, brother, father and husband. My time is coming to prove that to myself and my family. I am so at peace y'all that I wake up smiling. Even with morning breath, I smile. I wish everyone could experience this feeling and some will. But you have got to learn to listen to yourself and the one you want to be with. One of my closest friends who is going through a divorce said to me yesterday that she would talk about some of her needs not being met and that her husband did nothing to even try to fix that. That made me so sad but I knew that wouldn't be us. Also she said that he just became very mean to her. His little sarcastic jokes began to feel real because they were constant. She is such a beautiful person and mother that I just hugged her and said you will find peace again 

I say all this to say that:

1. We are getting married

2. The wedding will be fabulous 

3. We are in love and want to share and spread love and good vibes to you all 

4. You hatin'on the unit, you can view from the nosebleed section 

5. People are lovers at heart. Except it, embrace it,grow it. 

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Love is scary, worth it and life changing, but you must open up fully....

  Love is one of those things that you must fully commit too in order for it to truly work. You must be ok with standing their completely naked and vulnerable with all flaws and past exposed. If your partner still embraces you, makes you feel safe and continues to love you, then you must work tiredlessly to keep that love alive. Understand that you will make mistakes, but be honest, say I'm sorry, and remember to always put your partner first (sometimes even before yourself). No matter how mad or upset you ever get, remember that the love you two share will always bring you back to center. 

In my 29 years of life, I thought I had this relationship thing figured out. I was so wrong. My partner today has taught me to listen, listen to understand, be gentle with my words because causing pain or hurt would bring me to my knees. I thought I knew what it was like to be in love, but he has redefined that for me. I am thankful for the ones who came before, who got me ready for this. We are building a unit that not even Donald Trump can shake. I run home every day to see him, I yarn for his touch and cuddles in bed and I quickly give a side eye when someone tries him. But for once I feel safe, safe to be me, safe to take a risk and safe to grow into the strong and loving man I so have always wanted to be. I now go to work everyday to not only do great but I always want to make him proud. Behind closed doors I am no different than I am with him next to me and that gives me peace and tells me that this is real. I don't need to retreat because everything I ever need is here with me. Baby I love you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being you, allowing me to be me, and stay committed to this unit. There are some big things ahead and I can not wait to see you continue to bloom and I am honored to be apart of you. I love you. 

-Your Little Chicken 

  

Cut the bullshit...have you met Karma??

  Ever meet someone who just seems to always be having a struggle in life? One that they just can't seem to break? They are wondering why? Well.....please give them the gift of a mirror. Karma is real and in living color. If you commit every singe day to do the right thing, even when it is difficult, I guarantee things will change. For example, you call the customer service number of a store just to get a refund when the product has no defect. It may not be immediate, but you will pay for that. 

I never understood how people could be cruel, unethical, disloyal and dishonest and really expect to see positive change. The real joke is when those people see quick and short term success and they think they are on top. Then, in the blink of an eye, it is all gone and they are in a horrible place. They wanna cry and look for support in those they stepped on. #GirlGoOn 

This is so very true in your relationships. You know damn well when you doing something that isn't right. Read my last blog about the "appropriateness test". This in both your romantic and friendships. You must live every day in the spirit of honesty and ethics. Now people do make mistakes, but say I'm sorry, come clean, and deal with the consequence. Do not try to cover it up or launch into a fantasy world and believe you go away with it. Trust me, you didn't. 

#DropsMic Disclaimer: This blog is in no way a sentiment to the characteristics of my relationship. We are both very happy and live on the principals of morals and honesty. #OneUnit ❤️

What does it mean to commit?

  When someone says they are committed, what do they mean? Do they really know? 

Commitment is something that you should hold close to your heart. Not everyone deserves your commitment. But when you do, understand that it is a gift. When someone has committed to you, know that you are special and they made a choice to do so. When you commit to someone, understand that it is statement that means quite a bit. Here is a summary:

1. There is no more you and me. Almost everything is now us. 

2. Understand that you both will have bad days. You must be committed to helping your partner work through it. Work to bring that smile back. Understand when they are easily frustrated that it isn't you but they need your help. Sometimes that is a simple smile, hug, "I love you", or just be present. 

3. Every success is a win for you both. One of you gets promoted at work, pays off a credit card, or completes a goal. Be excited as if it was your own accomplishment, because it was. 

4. People make mistakes, guess what, it just became yours so you need to work through them together. You must never give up, say it's not your problem, especially in public. If you can not do that, then you are not committed. 

5. Remember you must always works to keep the love in the relationship and it must be at the forefront. The small things really count here. It shows your commitment to the unit and they are always on your mind. That the thought of them makes you smile. A hand written card, flowers, surprising them at work for lunch, ect.....  Keep these coming. I can not stress enough how important this is. 

Finally, the commitment must be visable from the sky. A bond so strong and so defined that it provides hope and inspiration to other. Yes, you will have people who say that your happiness makes them sick, or it's too much. They really want what you have and don't let that stop you. I have said it before that public proclamations of your commitment not only solidify your heart and its placement, but also heals others. When people see things that are happy and good, it internal heals whether they will admit it or not. Make milestones a big deal. Celebrate major accomplishments like you won a Grammy. 

Today is a big day for Damian and I. We are moving in together and I can not tell you how incredibly proud of him I am, how happy and excited I am to wake up with him every morning and start this epic chapter of our life. I feel very loved and this unit is unbreakable. My commitment is strong, defined and I hope it is an example of what you all can have it you lead every day with good morals, ethics and work tireless to be a great person. 

Find your happiness and protect it at all cost.....

Share this message of happiness with all.......... Happiness is something we all desire...but when you finally get it, then what?  The answer is things must change.  You must change.  Everything will change.  Priorities will shift and be realigned.  Happiness comes to those who work for it.  It is a reward for good work.  Happiness does not come to those who wait for it.  Or those who behind close doors make choices that are morally or ethically irresponsible.  Karma is real....What is done in the dark, will ALWAYS come to the light.  Don't fool yourself.  We all deserve to be happy, whole, complete, loved, and respected.  But we don't have a right to it.  We control that outcome.  I am extremely happy and want nothing more for others to dwell in this feeling.

When true happiness is realized, that doesn't mean struggle and rough moments will not be present.  But once you get a taste of happiness, absolutely nothing else can jeopardize it.  That includes close friends, family, work, or hobbies.  This blog focuses on relationships so let's view it from that perspective.  In order to be ready to welcome your soul mate, you need to first identify your flaws so you can be open and honest about them.  Know your needs.  How can you expect someone to meet your needs if you don't tell them what they are?  Believe it or not, mind reading is hard.  The heaviest weighted opinion is your own and listen to your gut.  If you feel like something is misplaced, I guarantee it is.   If you are open with yourself about this, you will instantly know when you find the one who you are suppose to be with.  Some people miss that person because they aren't ready, or they are not honest with themselves about where they are in their own growth and development as a person.

Now, when you do find happiness, defend it.  You now have a partner.  No one else should ever be able to permeate that bond.  Even in times of dissonance, you must choice "US" over "THEM".  If you don't, your happiness will begin to evacuate.  No matter how good you look, the foundation is cracked.  An example would be that if your friends and family don't believe you are making the right choice, you must always (in public and private) defend the decision you made and your partner.  Only you know why you committed and only you know the heart of the other person.  Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't listen or seek advice, but there is a way to do it with the message of love and commitment still there.  This means that people who once meant the world to you may need to be temporarily or permanently removed from you life.  The other element is "appropriateness".  Although certain behaviors and elements of your daily life may seem harmless, you need to ask yourself is it appropriate for someone in a commitment relationship.  Usually if you have to ask, the answer is no.

Let's move to work.  Every career decision you make at this point now effects you both.  Understand that and do not make knee-jerk or hasty decisions without the consult of your partner.  Even if you know they will support you 100%, bring them to the decision table.  Every step you take is a reflection on "the unit".  Don't embarrass it.  When you are up late at night and you find a crazy urge to communicate or text someone from your past, ask the question "would my boyfriend be totally ok with that?" or "would I be ok with it if he did it?".  If the answer is no in any way, don't do it.  You will always carry that secret with you.  When we are in a state of happiness with ourselves and our relationship, risky moves are easy to avoid. But when we have moments of weakness is when we make questionable decisions.  And remember, what is done in the dark will always come to the light.  You will be presented with options and choices and both are beneficial, but if you do not pick the one that is best for you both, you will loose.  That is the true definition of "opportunity cost".  What am I giving up by making this choice?  And is the risk of not making the right choice worth losing my happiness?

Let's look at hobbies.  These are things you do with or without your partner that you enjoy.  Some view adult entertainment, some go running, some volunteer, some use illegal drugs, some scrapbook, some cook, ect..... But your hobbies must contribute to your growth, and the growth of the relationship and pass the "appropriateness" test.  These decisions may warrant a conversation with your partner but deep in your gut, you know what you need to stop and what you can continue.  It requires maturity and true understanding of commitment.

Finally, we must NEVER get complacent.  It is ok to get comfortable as that should be the goal.  To be comfortable in your skin, in your home and in your relationship.  But complacency kills you and the relationship.  Growth will stop and what will happen is your partner will continue to grow and just like a rubber band, you both will be stretched thin and eventually the band/bond will break.  When one is falling or appears to be dragging behind, you must pause, evaluate and support them back to their level of optimal productivity.  Set realistic goals!  Commit to them!  Be great!  Do Great!  Be in Love!  Show Love! One Unit!  Be Committed!  Model Couple! Make The Right Choice!  Do the Right Thing!

You gotta fight, work and commit

  We all have that inner voice, gut feeling, and sixth sense that tells us when something just isn't right. That is the same with our interactions with people. Example...you meet someone that you kinda like but early on in the interactions there are some red flags. Some may be manageable and some a little more significant. But, you ignore them and go through the motions of building a relationship, and then....it crumbles and you are surprised. In all of my failed relationships, either friendships or romantic, I can give very clear examples at how early on something just didn't sit well. If I chose to let it fester, I have no one else to blame but myself for the failure. 

But....Ladies and Gentlemen...But....when you find that one...you will know. If every single interaction with this person is bliss, and you are struggling to find one remotely negative thing to say about that person, do not let them go. Fight....fight hard to keep them in your life. Trust me you both will learn and grow into a unit that will be so solid even a bomb from ISIS will not break it. It's like a tree that early on in the growing stage connects with another. By the time that tree is fully grown, the largest chainsaw won't cut it. 

This is not to say the relationship won't be tested. But it is all about how you manage the conflict. You must always lead with respect, trust and love. Saying I'm sorry is never too much to ask and be sure to listen to understand. Remember you both love each other and want to quickly return to the smiles, giggles, pet names and doing cute things for each other. So let's settle this and move on. 

I haven't written in a while because I have found a special someone who literally lit up my world the moment they walked into it. Every moment with, talking too, or just thinking about this person turns my worse day into my best. Honestly I thought I knew what it was like to be in love, but I have been proven wrong. This is it. It can't get any better. All I want for this world is to someday experience what I am feeling right now. It took me to seriously ask myself what I can do to be the best for us. I needed to change my thinking, my patterns, and really work to understand him. I have so much more to learn but the idea that I can learn those things and go through live alongside this person really gives me hero strength. Yes I hear my closest friends say "be careful" but you know what, no one every struck gold being careful. I made this decision, I am proud of it, I am proud of us and who we will become. Now sit back, and watch us build this epic empire. 

#DropsMic #OneUnit #Us #IfHeOnlyKnew #Committed #GayLove #Equality #ModelCouple #ScrewYaSterotype #YallLikedOurPics #YouWannaComeToOurWedding